Sunday, December 20, 2009

Yo Ho Ho, and a Bottle of Christmas Brandy!

First, our little joys!

Ole and Asta are busy bringing Christmas Fun to our house! The only thing, stick with the butter mints and don't eat the Tootsie Rolls.

Xmas is in full swing in downtown Portland.

I suppose I should be grateful that it doesn't happen year-round, but I have to ask.

Is there some massive home for the mentally disadvantaged where people are only let out between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve? Does this home have a huge parking lot where they let these people take their pick of cars and drive off? Are they sent downtown on purpose??

I don't know if I really want to know the answer, but where do all these people go the other eleven months of the year?

Perhaps the downtown merchants feel differently, but those Jacob Marleys of us who are doomed to wander the streets of the city all year long get really angry with this annual influx of idiot drivers and shoppers. Perhaps if we could load them all on short buses and drive them directly to Macy's (come on, not to be snobbish, but they don't shop at Nordstroms), that would be okay. Particularly, if they timed it between say, 9 and 11 in the morning, and 1:30 and 4 in the afternoon, when normal people are in their offices and before Happy Hour. I mean, how much time do this idiots need to shop?

But I'm forgetting myself. I've been to Fred Meyer. I know how much time these people need. It's indefinite. You walk behind these family blobs (you don't know who you are) who stop in the middle of aisles in a daze, making zombies look animated. You can't get around them, you back up your cart, go to the next aisle and find the next family blob. I'm surprised they're ever able to close the store. I picture these blobs just oozing perpetually down the aisles.

I am a highly interactive driver. As I go down the street in my car, I have a wide variety of opinions and I'm happy to share them with anyone. Christmas, in particular, brings a rich and textured litany of views on the world. Karen has pointed out that I can be less than charitable and seem to be lacking in the Christmas spirit, but come on. Jesus is the guy who trashed the temple, he wasn't all that calm. Put Jesus in an SUV on Fourth Avenue behind a group of these idiot drivers during the Holidays and I can hear him now, "Gary F%#ing Barnum! Can't that F&^%ing A*&hole figure out where the gas pedal is?!!!"

So, we are quickly slipping down that slope to the New Year. The last clear fix I have on anything was Karen and I were in Norway. That was in early January. The rest of the year has been on the Freeway of Life, with Karen occasionally saying, "I think we should * * * " and me replying, "That was Exit 495, we passed that two weeks ago." We had a great family Thanksgiving and almost felt organized, but "all of a sudden" it's December 20 and Karen was saying, "Remember that tree we bought a couple of weeks ago? Do you think we should do something with it?"

I love straight lines like that.

Hope everyone else is surviving the holidays!!!!

Love from Gary and Karen

1 comment:

oregonforestfan said...

Hmmm. I think I'm glad I walk most of the time...